LaPay | the life and times

I was scouring ONTD (my old celeb gossip fallback) for details of the Dog the Bounty Hunter scandal when I came across this - in my opinion the most fantastically fugly and ridiculous picture of Britney Spears ever taken. Fortunately for us, given the way her mental state is right now, I'm sure she'll top this one before the year's out. Seriously. Why even wear clothing at that point??

I'm home, and a funny thing: I've never been farther from it in my life.

New shows that I will not be watching:

"Kid Nation"*
"Super Cockroach"

to be continued.

*this is not a guarantee as I may crumble if the deluge of clips on The Soup continues.

A University of Florida student speaking at a John Kerry forum was tackled by a group of cops and tased while they held him down with their tonnage (i.e. giant donut-loving asses). See the video here.

I hope this guy sues the cops. Although it is rather amusing to watch.

I may have been traumatized by an episode of Dr. G Medical Examiner that I just saw on Discovery Health Channel. I can't find any information on it on the web, but here is the basic outline.

A young twenty-something woman went to a bar and made out with a guy. The guy bit her lip/tongue. Two days later she was feeling like crap - fever, diarrhea, etc. - so she went to the doctor. They prescribed antibiotics. A week later she was rushed to the hospital in shock and died shortly after with hundreds of lesions all over her body.

When Dr. G did the autopsy, she found acute systemic herpes simplex 1 (oral) that had infested her entire body and attacked her organs. She died of liver failure. Because of herpes, usually a benign virus that causes sporadic cold sores on the mouth or face. WTF?!?!?!?

Dr. G said it was the craziest case she's ever seen. It's so rare for herpes to be lethal that this young woman was one in 21 cases ever documented in the world. More people than that have died this way, but usually they have some immuno-suppressed condition such as HIV which leaves their immune system defenseless against viruses of any kind.

Not that I have anything to worry about - I contracted herpes as a child so I would have definitely died by now if I was going to have a reaction to it - but how fucking scary to think you can walk into a bar for an anonymous makeout session and die a week later. Jesus.

5) Looking for funny typos in the my daily reading. Special mention from page 61 of the August 25th Economist (yes, I know, I'm backed up):
So Mr. Finder wove those titbits into a political thriller instead.

For those of you who didn't catch that freudian slip, it's titbits. Somehow, I don't think this writer was talking about bits of a woman's breasts.

P.S. the answer to yesterday's question about spiders + vacuum pipe + cotton balls: I don't know. My dad took the vacuum outside this morning since I refused to touch it again and released at least 2 living spiders; one of which was inexplicably killed while the other was allowed to run free into the wild of suburban yard vegetation. I would have just waited forever before I emptied the canister. Everyone's different.

The list of fun, cheap activities during my jobless period continues:

4) sucking monstrous spiders and centipedes up in my jet vac, a.k.a. Bugbusters (TM) holding facility. Question: do jumbo cotton balls stuffed into the end of the vacuum pipe keep the spiders from crawling out long enough to kill them? They can't subsist on dust particles, carpet lint, or other insect carcasses can they? Oh shit.

*I didn't include this one in the list previously because a) it's predominantly a late-night activity, and b) it's actually the opposite of my favorite.

I just read about this. Ah, Southwest, the highest order of modesty in the nation. You know, I fail to see how this girl's outfit was bothering anyone on the flight. In fact, I'm willing to bet her attire didn't bother the other passengers half as much as the ten or twenty screaming babies. When I flew to California there were horrible screaming babies on every flight - babies that were obviously too young to fly. Southwest, being a family airline, would rather applaud auditory torment from families too selfish and stupid to stay at home with young children and censor single people who are doing nothing wrong than run a normal airline. What's next? "You're too gay to fly today, please go home and change your sexuality?"

Unfortunately there are a lot of "families" selfish and cheap enough to buy a seat on the shittiest airline ever to fly the skies. That's why in my humble opinion (IMHO), the hot single among us should spend our money elsewhere.

I just read this article on an alleged Firehouse prostitution ring in DC that is under investigation.

While it's not exactly the most shocking thing on the planet (the thought of firehouses conjures up memories of a high school friend of mine whose descent into sluttiness was initiated by the increasing frequency of her visits to a local firehouse), I think what makes this so horrible is the fact that it's female medical technicians doing the sexual favors. WTF women??? Go to all the trouble of using your smarts to get a respectable job and then go and degrade yourself this way? ICK. It makes me so fucking ill to think of these sleazy men getting permission from women to use them. What is wrong with people, I ask for the umpteenth time in my life?

Whew - I think my 5 minutes of anger for the day is out of my system now. Time to go do something productive. Which apparently does not include advocating for women's equality.

New favorite activities to do now that I sit around the house every day applying for jobs:

1) searching for totally ridiculous jobs that I would love but am not even remotely qualified for (Godiva chocolate taster, global hotel secret shopper, travel writer, etc.)

2) Finding all the random funny Facebook groups. For instance, the search term "Tel Aviv" turns up the "Joel has lost his phone on Tel Aviv beach" group and the "Racial Profiling in the Tel Aviv Airport" group, and even the "USA aka Israel's Bitch" group.

3) Taking the dog on bird and rabbit poop expeditions around the yard.

Getting out in the world is so overrated.